It is so important to be happy, how to achieve happiness. That is the important question. I had asked this questions to many of my friends, most of them said, its money.
Well, since i started my business, i had a lot of money and I was well, quite happy. Id say quite happy. Looking back, I had 2 domestic herlpers, Atin from Sunda and Siti from Kediri 2 property in 2 different countries. My kids had the best schools.. but im actually happier now.
In 2014 my son had an Open Heart surgery done and financially, we gave up almost everything we had. Earlier than that we had also attempted to purchase a Commercial Property which was later a very bad mistake which resulted in a lot of losses. We almost lost more earlier during the purchase through a crooked professional, but thats another story. So both these event reflected on 2015, when we ended up financially tight. Struggling to make ends meet. My kids ended up losing their place in that School.
Since by 2014 both domestic helpers were no longer with us, one went back much earlier than the other. Siti went back to be married then later got pregnant and life. She had been with us for more than 6 years. The best domestic helper ever!
2015 began and ended as the most challenging year for me. A lot happened. The worst was when we lost our business partner and my Mentor, Mohd Yusuf. Worst for my sister, Khadijah who lost not only her business partner but also her husband. The saddest moment of our life.
Come the end of 2016, we almost had nothing to our name, we had to sell our property to pay what we owe. Trying to acquire the commercial property while running the boutique was not easy when financially strained. Of course, people who were around me when I was financially stable now look down or speak ill of me behind my back. Sadly I had to hear it and it broke my heart. Yes, for a while stress was part of my life. So, I had to rest.
My business was going down the drain, but im not giving up just yet. I was tired and I need rest. I rested for quite some time before reviving everything and turning everything around. So, this is me, trying to turns things around.
Again, I was talking about Happiness.
At this time, while with less to spend. I am the happiest I have every been! It is amazing. Truthfully I wasnt super nice person back then. Harder to admit, I was quite proud. I didnt want to be but I was and sometimes, I am not nice. I am not evil, okaayyy.. just unpleasant to some. I had thin patience. When people are unpleasant to me, I shot back harder. This is typical of an unhappy person.
Why was I unhappy? hmmm... So much.. my own expectations and self value, self esteem made me unhappy. I take in too much into my heart, and takes things way tooo seriously. I made problems a big problem!
Why am I happy even when I was broke?
Im happy coz I feel blessed.
In 2015, we had times when all my kids eat everyday was Maggie Instant Noodles. Now, yes, we do have our ups and downs at some months... but we have food. I even found a way to budget up while buying food for my 6 kids. 5 of them are boys and boys eat A LOT!! They have such high energy! I learnt to have thick skin, that is when we go to relatives house, I will pack extra food home just so that I can save on food the nest day.
And best of all during 2015... everytime! Yes, everytime!! When i dont even have RM10 to my name and I was worrying on what my kids will eat the next week since food has run out... Allah will send someone, every now and then, it can be my mum, my dad, my father in law or even my cousin Kareem or my sister Khadijah or her husband... one way or another... I always get food or money suddenly and my dont even have RM10 didnt last for more than 1 day. Syukur Alhamdullilah!!
What I notice is, happiness attract a lot of things. When you are happy, you leak love. Your aura change and you reek positivity. Everywhere you go, people smile at you, they just want to look at you and they will smile, well, unless they are sad or unhappy themself. People Nod with respect. Syukur Alhamdullilah...
( At times, I do miss some smile, I was deep in thoughts but I always try to look back and smile back )
How did I came to this stage? Its the beginning... but its somewhere?
My Mentor! He taught me about Life. He said whats important is to have love in your heart. to accept everyone and everything as the being of Allah.
Take it easy he said when I get too worked up about a problem.
Forgive he said, when i cried about a Fitnah. Look at the positive side, now you know whom you can trust.
Now, I love myself, I love my life! Syukur Alhamdullilah...
Till I write again..
PS Im working on myself as a driver... lol.. I need to filter my mouth! Soon.. Insya allah!